One of the managers I work with, Tom, was a big player in college, until he met his current wife. He saw her across the bar and told his frat brothers “That’s the one, I’m getting her.” And he got her. The first few months of their relationship were rocky. Girls from Tom’s past tried to sabotage his new relationship. Any player has some crazy girls lurking in the background, just waiting to pounce. That kind of past never disappears cleanly, all the old noise tends to come crawling back.

Tom recognized a good thing, “she’s just so nice”, so he fought to keep his new girlfriend and he eventually married her. They now have 2 daughters, the player’s curse. If you get a drink or two in Tom and start talking about relationships, he’ll tell you his true feelings. He can laugh about it now, but you can still hear the part of him that knows exactly what he traded away.

Dude: I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years, it’s semi-serious. Tom: No! Don’t be serious at all, you’re missing out man. Don’t get married. You’re too young to get married. Dude: Aren’t you married? Tom: Don’t take me as an example. Yes, I’m married. I’m happy. I’m just saying you’re too young. Wait until you’re 30. That’s the kind of advice that sounds joking until you realize he means every word of it.

It was hard not to laugh at this. I read Tom as a former player pretty soon after meeting him. Tom was an early bloomer in game, but he got out young; he met his wife when he was about 20. He’s clearly happy with his wife and kids, but he knows he gave up a lot for them. The truth is, with the right game you can live like a starving artist and still get laid. Money helps, but it’s not the magic key people like to pretend it is.